Mourning the Cross

Its just like any other summer afternoon around here today.  The World Cup is on (and Germany is destroying Brazil), the girls are cleaning their rooms (and playing), I am enjoying my second cup of coffee and the dog is asleep on the couch (the old couch that we almost got rid of but now Sassy has claimed).  My sweet and very emotional 5 year old comes out of her room in tears. This is not like every other afternoon.  She is holding a James Avery box.  It is the box that her cross came in for Christmas this past year.

To understand the importance of this cross you must first know that I have a cross just like it.  It was given to me 10 years ago this past May 16th at a graduation lunch celebrating my graduation from college.  The lunch was the day after my wedding and I got to celebrate with a lot of my family that I normally wouldn't have seen.  The cross was a gift from my Uncle John and Aunt Jane.  It was my first piece of James Avery jewelry and I wear it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  This has become more special to me in recent years as my sweet Aunt Jane unexpectedly passed away 2 years ago this Fall.  There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't look down at my necklace, or adjust the clasp, or reach up and touch it, and think of the Amazing woman of love, kindness and Faith that Jane was.   Both girls through the years always loved my cross.  They would touch it and play with it and Bria in particular would always tell me if my clasp was in the front...usually she would say "uh Momma...something is wrong with your necklace!  Let me fix it!"  So this past Christmas, Mike and I decided to get the girls their own cross necklace.

Well, this June both necklaces ended up breaking.  Mary Kate was taking off her shirt and the necklace got caught on her shirt and pulled and it snapped; and Brianna asked me to wear her necklace so that she wouldn't lose it or break it at ballet camp and a friend's baby grabbed it an snapped the chain!  Sadness ensued!  Luckily James Avery warranties their chains since they don't fix these particular chains.  So we got two new ones for the girls.  They have been wearing them and loving them.

Now we are back to Brianna in tears with her James Avery box.  The "OLD" box...to her old necklace.  She remembered what had happened to her old one and she was sad.  Saddened to tears.  It took her a little while to calm down.  In all of this I reminded her that she had a new one that she was wearing and had been wearing, but it didn't seem to matter.  in that moment all that mattered was what had been lost.

As I sat there trying to help her through her emotional turmoil I realized something.  Are you  ready for it...because I surely wasn't.   ITS OK TO MOURN OUR LOSS/BROKENNESS.   Now I am not talking about losing a loved one, although that applies, but generally it is accepted to mourn someone who passes away.  I am talking about mourning the intangibles....the relationships fallen apart, the dreams lost, the hope shattered, the desire for more babies that may never be a reality, our sinfulness and what it did to our Saviour Jesus Christ.  Yeah...it hit me.  Because if I am truly honest, If I let myself mourn the loss, the brokenness of these intangibles: I might not stop.  It might be real.  I might have to move on in a real way...not some fake "I'm ok, you're ok, we're all ok" way.  To be completely honest I have tricked myself into thinking that if I am just happy and full of hope every month and ignore the pain and sorrow inside that maybe...just maybe...my reward will be one last pregnancy. 

But alas....thats not really how it works.  In fact I was reminded this week by a friend through her blog post that I need to be content in the waiting.  That does not mean that I should not mourn what is lost.  It does not mean that I have to understand God's perfect plan to use what I view as suffering for His glory.  It does not mean that to cry  is to doubt His goodness.  It means that this world is broken just like my daughter's cross necklace.  And sometimes we need to stop and mourn the brokenness.  Cry over what was lost...and then Praise the Lord that He sent his perfect Son to die for my sins in my brokenness when I didnt deserve His grace.  Praise the Lord that He has made a way for us to be reunited with Him in Heaven one day.  Praise the Lord that on that day it is written in His word :

Revelation 21:4 ESV

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”