Heart to Heart

To be honest, I don't even know how to start this post...Fair Warning: this post will get personal..I am not looking for pity or advice...just opening up my heart to my friends and family...partly because I think as Christians we are called to walk together and bear each other's burdens...partly because I would love to have your prayers.

Now that I have sufficiently freaked you out and piqued your interest.

When Mike and I decided that we would allow God to control when we had kids 4 years ago, we never imagined that 4 years later we still would not have had another kid.  We always envisioned having 4 kids or so.  We intentionally waited 3.5 years between Mk and Bria because of how much change was going on in our lives with moving to Texas and figuring out jobs.  We kinda figured after Bria, since we weren't preventing any more pregnancies, that we would end up with kids closer together.  Well...4 years and 2 months later...no more kids.  For a long time I told myself that we weren't dealing with infertility...it was just God's timing.  This summer for the first time I started to wonder if something might be wrong.

I went in and had a barrage of blood work done all to no answers...at least in appearance, we should be able to get pregnant.  But we haven't.  As I struggle with trusting God and His timing for our family, I have also struggled with what to call this period in our lives.  Waiting? Infertile? Barren? Crazy?  Probably the last for sure...

As have sought out the Bible for wisdom, something to hold on to, I began to see a pattern through the Old Testament.  You know what...all throughout the Old Testament God routinely opens and closes wombs in order to fit His perfect timing.  This happens both overtly and more subtly.  When you talk about barrenness and open/closed wombs, most people will think of Hannah, Rachel and Leah, Sarai...Instances where God clearly talks about that sort of thing.  However, most people wouldn't think of Noah and his sons.  And its not an obvious one.  But if you read it, Noah was 600 years old when he went on the ark...he had 3 sons all with wives. The Bible doesn't mention how old Noah's sons were, but it is clear that only Noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives entered the ark.  We can assume from Noah's age that his sons were probably also up in age, yet no mentioned children.  In fact they don't mention children until they all leave the ark and are tasked with repopulating the Earth.  No children, then LOTS of children.  God had a plan.  How difficult would it have been to have kids on the ark, or to have to leave kids behind to be destroyed by the flood?  God was instrumental in opening and closing the womb of those women at the perfect time.  But that is a hindsight perspective.  How would those women have felt?  They most certainly would have been looked down upon in that society...there was no birth control.  And your security in your old age was your children. They were everything.  So where does that leave me.

Well, maybe this is infertility...maybe this is barrenness...maybe a season...maybe forever...I don't know.  But God has a plan for us in all of this and in hindsight, the legacy of this struggle will not be defined by the tough days and tears of this moment, but the bigger picture of God's plan for our family and life.  Had we not seen the bigger picture for Noah, we wouldn't have Abraham or Isaac or Jacob or the entire Jewish people. I don't know what our bigger picture looks like in the end...what I do know is this...for some reason God has allowed us to experience infertility right now and has clearly spoken to our hearts to look into adoption.

Adoption...this is such an overwhelming journey to start on.  There is so much out there.  So much information, so many agencies, so many options!  We are both excited and scared.  I am also dealing with a lot of emotions steming from dealing with infertility.  Don't get me wrong, I love my two girls so much and I almost feel like I shouldn't be allowed to call this infertility, but a good friend encouraged me recently and told me this and it rings so true "It doesn't matter whether you have 2 kids, 10 kids, or no kids, if your family is not complete, it hurts"  So there we stand.

* A side note:  I wrote this post about a month ago, but it has taken me that long to decide to post it. I finally decided that I couldn't give any room for shame or fear because this is about God's plan to grow our family and giving Him control...there is nothing shameful or fearful about that.  Also, In an interesting turn of events, Mike and I have the opportunity to attend a one day free adoption conference at a church in Abilene THIS Saturday.  Please keep us in your prayers as we take this huge step towards Adoption!

Double Trouble

This is what happens when you bring your husband and your 4 year old grocery shopping!

Catch up post 1: zoo preschool

Last Thursday I took the little girls (Haylie and Bria) to zoo preschool.  My grandparents were still in town fro m Minnesots and they came with us!  It was a lot of fun.  I am so blessed to have my grandparents around and I love that they get to be a part of my girls' lives!  Enjoy dome pics from the zoo!

...and the kitchen sink!

Yesterday was so busy.  Outside of my usual friday mornings volunteering at mk's school,  I made 4 homemade pizzas (2 for us, 2 for a family in our church who just had a baby), a lemon meringue pie (for my mom and grandpa - he loves it and is here visiting fron Minnesota for the week), a chocolate cream pie (dor the family with the baby), and a baby shower cake ( for a woman in my mom's church that came with us to Women of Joy last sept.)  It was such a busy day, but I loved it...here are a couple of pics!

Pastor's Kids Searching for Narnia

Mary Kate has started reading the Narnia series...She just finished "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" (in 3 days I might add...as a 2nd grader).  She has seen the movie many times before and it is a favorite.  Well the girls watched the movie on Sunday night and all three have been talking about it since.  Tonight after dinner the three of them decided they were going to search for Narnia in our house.  So they bundled up, packed their books and started searching all the closets and walls and anywhere they could think of.  For a while I thought they were going to tear down the living room wall because they were certain part of it was hollow.  They were cute!  At one point in the evening I heard Bria exclaim from their room "after we find Narnia, all three of us will be QUEENS!"  Love it...Here are some pics of my Narnia children and niece:

Also we made cookies this evening...I mixed it up and then let them scoop out the cookies.  It was fun and the little girls took their job very seriously!!!

On a final note, you know you have a Pastors Kid when they dip their broccoli in ketchup and say "look, its the burning bush!"  Yep, that was MK!

Lentil Soup: Revisited!

A couple of weeks ago I made Lentil soup for the first time.  It was a so good and I have made it a couple times since then.  The other day my sweet father-in-law was telling me about how his mom used to make lentil soup for him.  She would soak the lentils and cook them for hours and with carrot and garlic and onion and then add tomato sauce in with the water.  He reminisced about how much he loved it and had never found anything like it.  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Now I don't know if this is what his mom's was like, but the soup that I thought couldn't get any better just blew my mind!  I will put the recipe at the end of this post if you are interested, but I will walk you through it now.  I heated up some olive oil in my dutch oven and added diced garlic, onion, carrot, and celery and some kosher salt.  Then I added some diced prosciutto and some chopped raw chicken.  Then added some italian seasoning and some more kosher salt.  Once the chicken has just cooked through, I added a small can of tomato paste, a bag of lentils, and 10 cups of chicken stock...brought it to a boil then let it simmer on low for about 3 hours.  Oh man, it was good, good, GOOD!  I can't wait to see my father-in-law again soon so  I can make this for him and see if it is anything close to one of his childhood favorites!

Here's a look at what was in the pot...didn't look too spectacular, but looks can be deceiving!

And here's the bowl with a biscuit on the side...and YES, Mk made the biscuits!

Get a load of my family around our new (to us) dining room table.  We found it on craigslist in Austin and my sweet sister went and picked it up for us and brought it to us when we met them this weekend.  You can't see how absolutely gorgeous the top of this table is because I have it covered in part to protect it, but look at all of that space around the table!  That's the reason we needed a new table, we needed to be able to fit more people around the table if we have people over.  Our old table was great for us 4, but if we had people over for dinner, we couldn't put anything on the table with all the plates on it.  As you can see, there is room to spare, plus there are two leaves for the table...LOVE!

On a final note, this little goober woke up this morning with a 101 fever and a snotty nose...no fun!  Pray that it is just a little cold and nothing more serious and that it doesn't ravage our whole house!

Mike commented that every time Haylie and Bria are together one of them seems to get sick...I told him that's because the world can't handle the awesomeness of them healthy together!  

Tomato Lentil Soup:

Ingredients:

3 cloves garlic, diced

2-3 TBS. olive oil

1/2 cup onion diced

1 cup carrot diced

1 cup celery diced

3 slices of prosciutto, diced

1 large chicken breast (approx. 3/4 lb - 1 lb)

1 6oz can tomato paste

1lb bag of lentils

10 c. chicken stock

kosher salt

Italian Seasoning

Directions:

heat up olive oil in stock pot or dutch oven.   Add onion, carrot, celery, and garlic and some salt and saute for a couple minutes until they start to soften.  Add  the prosciutto and saute for a few more minutes.  Add the chicken and a little more salt and cook until just cooked through. Add, tomato paste, lentils, chicken stock, italian seasoning and a little more salt.  Bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat to a simmer/lo and let simmer for a couple hours or at least on hour...I did mine for about three hours.  Enjoy!

A visitor...

On Saturday we drove halfway to Austin to meet my sister and pick up our little visitor for the week.  Haylie, my 3.5 yr. Old niece is staying with us til thursday.  We are having a lot of fun!  Everyone loved her at church.  She is a hilarious little kid!  her sunday school teacher is Big Donnie and he's about 6'2" or so ...he joked around that he gives spankings in his sunday school class...Haylie looked him square in the eye and said with her hands on her hips "i'm not afraid of you!"  Love her!   She's a spitfire!  I'm excited to see what the rest of the week holds!

Happy valentines day

Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day.  We had a good one.  Low key!  I helped at MK's school Valentine's Party.  Mike and Bria went and got me half a dozen roses.  We got the girls some chocolate.  For dinner we fed the girls a fancy candlelight dinner (of fish sticks, peas and applesauce) early, around 530. I was their waitress and used a pretend french accent...they got to use glass cups and everything...It was cute.  They loved it!  Then we let them watch a movie ("Chitty Chitty Bang Bang") in the guest room while Mike and I had an 'At Home' date.  I made steak and baked sweet potatoes and broccoli.  It was great!  

But this post is not about that.  Y'all know I love my girls and y'all know I love my man.  You've heard me say I love my shoes, but do you really KNOW my love for shoes?  I LOVE shoes...and girl...the higher the heel and the pinker and girlier they are...the more I love them.  So in honor of my love of shoes and the new spring lineup at DSW.com (Aka-Shoe Heaven) lets go on a magical journey of shoes!

Who doesn't need some good wedge heels...and they have such a cute flower detail...great for with jeans or even cute khaki bermuda shorts and a nice top...

I love the strappiness and the height of the heel on these...plus they are a neutral for those of you who don't do pink (I can't imagine...). 

Another non-pink option..I love these... I can't describe it!  LOVE!  I think the chunkiness of the straps and the wedge...so cute!

These shoes are everything I could want in shoes except maybe sparkle but we'll touch that later.  I love the pink and different texture of the fabric.  I love it!

And these...High...texture...the femininity of the lace is so nice...I love the color, but they come in other colors if you are not as adventurous with color.

Holy Moly...CUTE!  I wish I could wear shoes like this every day...the snake skin is amazing and the pop of color...WOW!

I love these, although I never get to go anywhere nice enough to get to wear these...but a girl can dream right!

Some good old fashion leopard print...with a classy red...you can't go wrong with leopard print in my shoe opinion!

And option for those who don't like heels...I love heels, but I could picture myself in these all summer long...if they weren't $350!!!  

I saved the best for last.  Be still my heart...Pink high heel glitter,...It doesn't get much better than these.  I love them.  LOVE them!

What are your favorite shoes?  Just to clarify...this is not a post advertisement for DSW...only a shoe lovers post lusting after some gorgeous shoes that I will likely never own.  

Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

One of the things I ALWAYS make homemade is Spaghetti Sauce.  If you look at a jar of sauce, the list of preservatives and additives can scare you.  So much in there that doesn't need to be in there.  The secret to great spaghetti sauce is: SIMPLICITY!  So here is my recipe for sauce.   I use this in anything pasta where I need red sauce.

Ingredients:

• 1 medium onion (any color...pick your fav)
• 1/2 cup finely diced carrot
• 4-6 cloves of fresh garlic, finely diced
• 1 lb. ground ________ (pick your fav. meat.  sometimes i use ground turkey, today I used 97% lean ground beef, in the past I used meatloaf mix: 1/3 ground beef, 1/3 ground pork, 1/3 ground veal...pick what you like and use it)
• 2 cups chicken broth
• 1-6 oz can of tomato paste
• 1-28 oz can of diced or crushed tomatoes ( i used whole peeled tomatoes bc its what I had)
• Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Kosher Salt
• Italian seasoning

Directions:

Heat up a frying pan with tall sides or a stock pot.  Coat the bottom with about 2 Tablespoons olive oil.  Add in diced onion, carrot and garlic.  Saute until they are clear and soft.  Add about 1/2 tsp salt and about a Tablespoon Italian seasoning (its important to season in layers).

Add ground beef and cook until the meat starts to brown.  Once you add the beef sprinkle it with some of the salt.

While the meat was cooking, I used my handy dandy stick blender to puree my whole tomatoes down into a beautiful puree.  BTW...I used all organic tomatoes and stock.  If you compare prices and shop wisely I have found that I can find them all for the same price or minimally more than non-organic, and the benefit is huge.  For example, the whole tomatoes I found on sale at HEB...I usually get diced or crushed, but like a said, a little puree and viola, I have what I need and its organic!  The chicken stock/broth I find at HEB and the everyday price is $1.99 per box.  Swansons broth at HEB is $1.98 per box.  There really is not much consideration needed...Its an easy choice!  All that to say, look around and compare prices...you'd be surprised how affordable you can get organic products.

 Once the meat is browned, I add just a couple of tablespoons of chicken stock to deglaze the pan.  Then In goes the puree of tomatoes.

Once the puree goes in and heats through, I add the tomato paste.  It looks like a big red blob, but it will melt down and create a rich beautiful sauce.  Add the remainder of the chicken stock, about another tsp of salt (or so to taste) and about a tsp or two of Italian seasoning.  As it comes together, keep tasting it and
season it to your liking.

Let it simmer for about 20 minutes or so over low heat, stirring occasionally.

 As it cooks together and the liquid concentrates it will cook down to a beautiful sauce.  It is ready to be used for whatever you like.  If I am using it for lasagna, I usually add a touch bit more liquid, 2-4tbs more stock.  I use the no boil lasagna noodles and the extra liquid in the sauce helps the lasagna to hold together as the noodles absorb it.  I also from time to time will use a cheese grater and add a zucchini in with the carrot and onion.  It is good, just didn't have it to add this time.  If you prefer your sauce sweeter, you can add a little honey or sugar when you are tasting it at the end.  I don't like to do that because I don't like my sauce to be sweet.  That's why I put the carrot in there, it is a natural sweetener and balances the acidity of the tomato, but doesn't add a sugary sweetness.

Today I took the sauce and mixed it with some al dente rigatoni and some mozzerela cheese mixed through and then on top.  Put it in the oven on 350 covered for about 20 min then uncovered for 10.

Hope you enjoy...this made enough for 2 pans of baked rigatoni, you could make two and freeze one, or you could freeze half of the sauce, or if you know how to can, you could can your own sauce.  That is one of my goals this summer, to learn how to can!  

A little too "Tangled"

Funny story:

Yesterday I was getting ready to make dinner and had pulled out a frying pan.  I walked into the living room to tell Mike something and was still holding the pan.  Brianna walked in and saw me holding the pan and her eyes got as big as plates...her face lit up in excitement as she started exclaiming: "DO IT MOMMA! DO IT!!  HIT DADDY WITH THE FRYING PAN!"

Maybe no more "Tangled" for a while...  Sweet Bri!

Eye Candy

 

One of my best friends has given me one of the best gifts in the world.  She has blessed me for the past 5 years with the gift of amazing heart-warming pictures of my family.  If you come to my house or look on my FB page or my blog, chances are you have seen her work.  She has almost every picture of my girls that I own!  She is amazing!  Words cannot express how amazing she is.  She has this uncanny ability to capture every intimate and subtle detail of every one of my family members.  Every picture I see of one of my girls reflects every part of their personality perfectly.  When I see how fast my girls are growing up, It makes me appreciate her work even more.  I will never get the last 4 or 7 years back, but I will always have those pictures.  If you or someone you know needs pictures...or heck, if you just haven't had them done in a while...do yourself a favor contact Serena, owner of S. Garcia Photography.  She mostly shoots out of DFW, but might be willing to travel if you cover her gas money.  Like her FB page and while you are here, enjoy a couple pics of the girls!  First up are Bria's 4 year old pics, followed by some cute Valentine's pics of the girls and their friends, Julianna and Andrew.